28 April 2010

Three Strikes You're Out!

"A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future."
Author Unknown

Manicure? Really? I'm thinking there's a better chance at finding a cure for cancer than ever finding a cure for a man. How 'bout you? What is it exactly, about men, that makes them so inept when it comes to remembering and honoring the sacred vows of matrimony they took before God, family and friends? Is it all just a big joke; a taping for an episode of Greatest Sport's Plays of All Time?

Marriage, in a man's world, is not unlike a baseball game. Fanny on first, Kitty on second and Bunny on third, and oh yeah, then there's home, that place they eventually come sliding into. Safe (this time), but don't think that the "Ump" doesn't have her eye on you! What part of love, honor and obey, don't they get? The irony is that a huge percentage of men remarry within a year of getting divorced, otherwise known as, "caught in the act." Why is that? Because they want their wedding cake and eat it too, that's why!

I do believe men have hit an all time low with the latest fad of getting caught cheating and immediately admitting themselves to a rehabilitation clinic for "sex addiction." I think it was David Duchovny of X-Files fame who started this new trend. Tiger quickly followed suit after his multiple "fly balls." But I think the lamest attempt at stealing base was Jesse "D'oh" James (Mr. Sandra Bullock). It took him a couple of innings before he realized he could use the 'ol rehab play to his benefit. (I think his brain has been damaged by a little too much tattoo ink.) Well, poor little Jessee didn't realize that his "Pitcher" was not still standing on the mound spitting and adjusting her balls. A little too late on the Home Run, Slugger! You're outta here!

It's so refreshing when women, like Sandra Bullock, don't make excuses and don't accept it as, "his little addiction." I hate that women feel like they have to stay for "the children." What are you teaching "the children," exactly? Every child I know that was one of "the children" whose parent stayed after infidelity, is in therapy for skewed perceptions of right and wrong. Should I stay or should I go? What is right and what is wrong? Let's see. How can I put this in simple terms? Mrs. Bill Clinton=IDIOT! Even if I wanted to vote for her, I wouldn't have, based simply on the fact that she wasn't strong enough to stand up for herself. How on earth could I trust her with my country?

I'm saving the "best" for last, of course. John "you phucking a-hole" Edwards! You want to run my what, Fruitcake?!! You don't even deserve the doghouse that is currently keeping the rain off your head, much less the White House!! HIS WIFE IS DYING OF CANCER while trying to take care of all their children and deal with the loss of one of those children while he is out making more children! This is how he sends his wife, the mother of his children, to her final resting place? Well isn't that a fine parting gift?! And still she manages to muster up some semblance of dignity to help get her through. He was her worst cancer.

And let's not forget the heart wrenching pain and subsequent after-shocks that come with infidelity. Once the bond of trust is broken, you can never get it back, no matter how many bogus rehabs you enter or therapists you see. Going, going, gone....outta the park! See ya!

I think cheaters should be forced to do a stint at Sheriff Joe Arpaio's, "Center for Rehab," in Maricopa County, AZ, complete with the notoriously famous PINK standard issue uniform. And how about an added big green "A" sewn on the front, which doesn't, by the way, stand for Athlete.

I hate to clump "all" men into the pig category because I know some really, really good ones, like my 10 year old, for instance. Respectful, considerate, funny as all get out and passionate about integrity. And who can he thank for that? Me, his mother. Forget that whole "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" schitt! Men are from their mothers, period, end of story. And I say, shame on some of you mothers!

Okay, I'm finally through ranting and raving about infidelity. It just seems to be an epidemic of late with Matt Lauer being the latest swine making yesterday's news due to allegatins of a tryst during his coverage of the Winter Olympics. I guess it's about time for a Fatal Attraction Part 2, "Hell Hath No Fury Like a Mistress Scorned." Hide your bunnies, ladies.

Batter Up!
The Paper Whisperer