12 December 2010

Twas The Month Before Detox

Twas the month before detox and my clothes no longer fit,
Not a pie, cake or cookie that I'd not yet bit.
The stockings were hung on the back of a chair,
Couldn't pull 'em up, I had nothing to wear.

The children were laughing at the size of my rump,
While all of their sugar plums I ate with a trump.
Me in my MuMu, Ben and Jerry in a bowl,
had just settled down, I was out of control.

When out in the kitchen there arose such a clatter,
And since it was my favorite room, it really didn't matter.
Away to the kitchen I ran like a flash,
Tore into the cookies, while potatoes I mash.

The moon on the breast of the turkey I'd roasted,
gave me a use for the bread that I had toasted.
And what did my eyes bigger than my stomach next see,
Eight tiny stocking stuffers glaring back at me.

With little old Debbie, so chocolaty and rich,
I knew in a moment the wrapper I'd pitch.
More rapid than weight loss, I slammed back that cake,
I whistled and shouted, what next could I take!


A Ring Ding, A Ho-Ho, A Twinkie and Devil Square,
A Cupcake, A Fruit Pie and Sno-Balls everywhere!
At the top of my pants, I undid the zipper,
This feast was my ship and I, the skipper.

As pounds that before, would not go away,
I said, "What the hell, I'll worry 'bout that New Year's Day!"
So up to my eyeballs, I was filled with treats,
Was not about to part with my tray full of sweets.

And then in a twinkling, I heard a loud noise,
Was someone going to thwart my confectionary joys?
As I drew a deep breath and crouched to the ground,
My belly started to rumble, I'd surely be found.

Dressed all in black from my head to my toe,
Attempting to hide what stuck out below.
A bundle of bulges from front into back,
I looked like a burglar waiting to pounce on a snack.

My eyes how they twinkled when my company left,
All alone in the kitchen, now back to my theft.
My droll little mouth was covered with powder,
my fingers all sticky and my chewing much louder.

The stump of a Twizzler, I held tight in my teeth,
as I peeled back the wrapper of a coconut wreath.
My face was all round like my plump little belly,
My doughnut was dry, it needed more jelly.

I was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
It made my heart warm that I still loved myself.
I winked at my reflection, I caught in the toaster,
And laughed at my ride on the weight roller coaster.

I spoke not a word, but sat still in meditation,
Accepting myself without hesitation.
And laying my finger across my red lips,
I hushed all the nonsense and all the guilt trips.

I sprang from my corner and waddled to the door,
Away from the anger that caused me to eat more.
I walked down the hallway and into my room,
I looked in the mirror rejecting the gloom.

I stared at the beauty whose reflection I saw,
I blew her a kiss not noticing a flaw.
You're worthy, I thought, of all of life's cheer,
Be true to yourself, all through the New Year!
(c)The Paper Whisperer, 2009

*I wrote this poem last year at this time and I would love to tell you that my love/hate relationship with mirrors has changed, even remotely, but I would be lying. The reason that I pulled this poem out and dusted it off was because of a song I heard the other day. The words blew me away and I have listened to it over and over and over. I've posted the link below....just for you. I want you to listen to it and TRY not to feel beautiful! I dare ya! LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN!!

Jammed up and jelly tight,
The Paper Whisperer