28 June 2009

"You Have No New Messages"

"Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself."
~Greg Behrendt~

So yesterday I finally rented the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You." The movie was based on the book by the same name, written by Greg Behrendt. Cute, cute and keeee-yute!!! The stars? Why, you and me, of course. (Nope, I didn't get paid either.)

I read the book a few years ago and could not put it down. It was hysterically enlightening to "hear" a guy's point of view on this subject. Greg had a way of softening the blow of rejection and instilling vital facts that have left me very cynical towards anyone affixed to a penis. Now I do the "blowing off" because now I have the upper hand. *That was funny on soooo many levels*

Anyway, the movie begins with the narrator reminding us that as little girls we are programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk, certainly he must like you. (I would LOVE to see the boy that sat behind me in the sixth grade and made my life a living HELL...a preview of coming "attractions, perhaps?)

"If a guy treats you like he doesn't give a shit, it's because, HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT!" That was one of my favorite lines from the movie and one of the hardest realizations for females to grasp. *READ THE BOOK!* However, this "information" is moot in my case and probably in many others my age. Now when "he" doesn't call, I focus on the negative for a couple of seconds (oh yeah, there's not one) and then I rejoice in the positive; I get to spend the evening enjoying a menage a trois with my two favorite men, Ben and Jerry.

At times during the movie, it was excruciatingly painful to watch the lead character (Old Me) make a complete ass out of herself. I sympathized with her pain and laughed at her constant need to check her answering machine for messages. In one scene she is in the middle of a yoga class with her cell phone flipped open and unable to stop staring at it. You are lying if you say, "YOU CAN'T RELATE" to anything about this movie. "They" so have us pegged!

Yeeeeears ago,I cut a cartoon out of magazine because it made me laugh to the point of tears. There is a girl sitting on a sofa in front of TV. Next to her is a table with a telephone on it. On the TV you see, "We interrupt this program to bring you an important message, HE'S NOT GOING TO CALL!" It still makes me laugh. Why? BECAUSE I CAN RELATE!!! Oh the silly days in my life that I wish I could have back, knowing what I know now, of course.

The movie is uproariously funny and has something that EVERBODY can identify with. Drew Barrymore's character even bellyaches over the perils of modern technology with my second favorite quote in the movie. "I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies."

Get a group of your girlfriends together, (old, young and/or clueless) and have a "He's Just Not That Into You," intervention party. Fun, fun, fun! And for goodness sakes,if you have a daughter, don't make her read Moby Dick or Tale of Two Cities, MAKE HER read "He's Just Not That Into You!" The Classics are beautiful, but reality can be ugly. Life is not a fairy tale and all you have to do is turn on Jerry Springer to see that "Happily Ever After's" are few and far between. (I'm kidding, people) In real life, you don't find a toad, kiss him and he turns into a Prince. The sad truth is, you find a "Prince," kiss him, and THEN he turns into a toad!

Here is how my outgoing message sounds NOW: "Congratulations, I gave you the right number! Now you have exactly 60 seconds to convince me WHY I should call you back....beep."

To thine own self be true,
The Paper Whisperer


Kathryn Magendie said...

I thought the movie was cute, too!

Although, I have to admit - I've never sat by the phone waiting for a guy to call, at least not that I remember. I think I was more "the dude" ...haw!

Anonymous said...

Great material. I try to not play games with people anymore. If I want to spend time wity them, I do. If not, I don't. If someone was hurt by the mentioned behavior, sorry. Too much great times to spend dwelling on the negative.
Love ya,

The Paper Whisperer said...

Wow, Kat...impressive! However, I am leaning towards you "not remembering it." hahahaha

Thanks, Oren...glad you don't play games "anymore!" I'm on the same page with ya on who "I choose" to spend my time with...life's way too short!

Susan said...

Do I even need to go down this path with you? How many times have I read, reread, and re-reread this book? The movie was cute, but the book, well, you and I have had more discussions on the "book". Do I get it? Depends on the day.. Do I know better? Absolutely! I think I have covered just about every chapter in that book and met and dated each jerk as well. I especially like the married guy- (you know I do!!) and have heard it all more times than I care to listen... Great movie, great book and great blog!

The Paper Whisperer said...

Susan...ha ha, thanks so much for stopping by and yes, we have had numerous conversations about the book. However, I have to pontificate my feelings about your interpretation. The "guys" in the book are not jerks, they are just not into "us." We have not been into some guys...right?! That does not make us jerks. We cannot make the heart feel what it doesn't...plain and simple. We "pick" those jerks and expect them to treat us with respect...ain't gonna' happen! Red flags are RED for a reason. If they were meant to make us comfortable, they would be a soothing shade of seafoam green. *RED MEANS STOP; GREEN MEANS GO!* Now I'll leave you with a toast: "Here's to the men we love, here's to the men that love us. The men that WE love, don't love us, so phuck the men and here's to us!" Have a beautiful day!

Susan said...

Love my toast and can I get an AMEN!! How could anyone just not be into us???

The Paper Whisperer said...

Amen, Susan! "How could anyone not be into us," you ask? Well when I finish writing my new book, "I'm Just Not That Into ME!" I'll let you have the first copy. Of course, you'll read, think you get it, re-read it, and "know" you got it and then you'll do exactly the same things all over again. *Big Sigh* "Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I'll love me, Tomorrow....it's only a day away!!" Love, Annie ;0)

Debbie said...

I have to see that movie! I haven't read the book or seen the movie. I think I would howl over the girl sitting by the phone.

The Paper Whisperer said...

Debbie, thanks for stopping by and you should read the book and/or see the movie...just good stuff!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the laughter. I can relate to your humor and find it very refreshing. I will be back for sure. holly

The Paper Whisperer said...

Thank you Holly! I can relate, as well! ;o) Now if I could only figure out a way to turn my humor into a fuel alternative...that would be a GAS! Have a safe and happy 4th!

Amie said...

I usually like to read the book before seeing the movie--do you think that matters with this one, or can I watch then read?

The Paper Whisperer said...

Amie, in most cases I would say read the book first, however, this time, I don't think it matters. Both are too funny!

Amie said...

Good to know!