"Write" Down To It

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E. L. Doctorow~

People are always so utterly amazed when they find out I am a writer. I chuckle every time. They always say it with so much awe in their voices as though I save lives or am able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. We are really all writers when it comes "write" down to it. We all have a story to tell or a point to get across and some of us are just better at the written word than others. I have a wicked hard time vocalizing my feelings, even standing in front of the cashier at McDonalds. I sound like a, well, a dumb blond. But give me paper and pen and I am free at last.

As far back as I can remember, I have loved to write. When I was about ten years old, I wanted my own newspaper. With pen and paper in hand, I started knocking on doors and begging for stories from the neighbors. Lucky for me, most were accommodating and eager to share. However, I did have to politely decline Mrs. Smith's story about Mr. Smith's new girlfriend. I was ten, after all, and not at all interested in her "scoop." After gathering my "newslets," I ran home and began to pummel the keys of my blue/gray plastic, and extremely manual, typewriter. It had been a Christmas present from Santa. A Smith and Wesson, Smithsonian, Smith Brothers or something like that. (Help me out here people!)

I hunted and pecked out my first and very last, Neighborhood Newspaper. The task was arduous and at ten, I wasn't about to burn the midnight ink....there was kick the can to be played and boys to be crushin' on. The good news is, I sold all five papers that I managed to tap out. If my memory serves me correctly, they went for a nickel a piece. Twenty-five cents; not bad for a beginner. Here I am, 444 months later, a lot older, a lot wiser and the proud owner of a kick ass computer (an acute exaggeration) AND my very own blog!

I am even working on a second blog for my alter-ego who adores sharing healthy eating tips, recipes, and great finds. I am a habitual researcher and have grave difficulty keeping a "secret." Before I discovered blogging I would run to my computer and type up my food revelations and send group e-mails. I quickly became an e-mailevangelist, Church of Health and Well Being.

Like every other writer, I dream of getting a book published someday. It's just so hard, what with the likes of Paris Hilton and now Marcia, Marcia, Marcia (Maureen McCormick), releasing their memoirs. How can one compete with that? I'm probably going to spoil it for you, but it seems that poor Marcia, Marcia, Marcia hit "rock bottom." *GET OUT!* I am so pleased (effing flabbergasted) that she is able to get $25.95 for that "SHOCKING" information. Winning Celebrity Fit Club and going on to appear as a complete "train wreck" on CMT's Gone Country just wasn't convincing enough for me. Bless her heart.

And to think I wanted to be a Brady when I was young. Those kids were destined for dysfunction; think about it. Six kids (not related), raging hormones, a gay dad, an enabler for a mom and a housekeeper who was in denial about her own sexuality while "pretending" to date, Sam the butcher. These, my role models through my pubescent years. And what the hell is so wrong with "Rock Bottom" anyway? I never understood why it gets such a bad rap. It usually means a book deal...at least in Hollywood. I think I'll get the book when it lands at the Dollar Tree just in time for Christmas. Ouch! Do you realize the bad karma I just imposed on myself? I think I just hit ROCK BOTTOM! That's a good thing, right?

Peace Out,

The Paper Whisperer