A Glutton For Punishment

"NEVER EAT MORE THAN YOU CAN LIFT."

~Miss Piggy~

As if I didn't know how "UNHEALTHY", unhealthy foods were already, I had it "sliced" into me this weekend, literally. Christian and I went to the Texas Roadhouse for lunch (you know anything that has the word TEXAS in it completely negates healthy!). But, what the "howdy," Christian was getting his hair cut next door and smoke "signals" seemed to be begging us over. Besides, Christian had a "free" kids meal token that he won from school. Don't you love that word "free?" In small (very small) print underneath the words, "free kids meal," were, "With the purchase of and adult meal AND beverage." "Free, l'il pahdner , just so long as you have a parent we can lasso." No biggie, we love The Texas Roadhouse and the fact that they serve those piping hot rolls with cinnamon honey butter (are you feelin' your arteries harden yet?) as soon as you sit down.

The server walked up to our table, placed the rolls down (you are what you eat just popped into my head...rolls, get it?) and introduced herself. I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, BACK AWAY FROM THE ROLLS! I politely acknowledged her while reaching for the 6" bowie knife they supply you to eat with. I grabbed a roll and began the surgical procedure preparing my roll for the big butter slather. In my gluttonous state of confusion, I sliced off the tip of my index finger. Blood was gushing from my finger as I sadly watched the steam from the rolls subside....no "anesthesia" for me.

Clearly, I would "need" to dive straight into some comfort food. The server came back and spied all the blood and asked me if I was okay. "Oh yeah, I'm fine, just changing my oil. Now could you run along and find me a tourniquet to stop the bleeding and a doctor to reattach my finger tip!" She came back with a lovely blue band-aid and a fresh basket of rolls. No butter for me! As I perused the menu for finger food (pun intended), I spied the combo appetizer (no spoon, fork or bowie knife required). Three items, all fried, all injected with cheese and all served with my choice of THREE sauces! (ONLY in America) Ah, yes, just what the doctor ordered. Sniffling and looking up with pathetic eyes, I spewed my order to our server. I was careful to hold my E.T.'ish (phone home) finger up where she could see it. I felt the need to justify my impending smorgasbord of lard.

It came, I saw, I conquered...all the while being lambasted by my eight year old. "Eat as I say, NOT as I do," I politely reminded him. So the server brings my check and my total was $4.27!! Although, I couldn't put my finger on it (haha), I assured her that there must be some kind of mistake. "No, no mistake. All the appetizers on Saturday are half price!" I looked at Christian and said, "What do we have planned for next Saturday?" He looked at me and said, "Don't even think about it!!" Big Sigh!

Haircut for Christian - $14.95 (plus tip)
Meal for two at the Texas Roadhouse $4.27 (plus (finger-tip)
Being kept in line by the cutest cowboy in Colorado.......Priceless!!

Oink Oink,
The Paper Whisperer