My Normal Fantasy

Yep, that's me, The Paper Whisperer. Often times I like dressing up in my bitchy, uptight teacher garb when I write. I seem to take myself a helluva lot more seriously. Today I was "forced" to write, twenty times, "I promise to love, honor and obey the Paper Whisperer at all times!" Sheesh...you wallow in self-pity for a few decades and all of the sudden you are "branded!" Hey! It's MY party and I'll cry if I want to!

I struggle (yes, I just wrote that) with behemoth amounts of self-doubt and self-worth. I know, I know...you can hardly believe that someone who is so extroverted and personable could be such an emotional cripple at times. What can I say, it happens to the best of us for many different reasons. I would like to blame it on the way Mars lined up with Venus, George W. Bush or even global warming; anything, but me.

The easy part is wrapping the shroud of insecurity around oneself. The hard part is placing that shroud back in the bag, marching back to the store and attempting to return it...without a receipt. "I'm sorry, we don't do refunds or exchanges on items over 47 years old! May I help the next customer in line, please?" And just when I thought I had it ALL figured out.(Big sigh!)

Okay, now it is time for Plan B. Who am I kidding? I am on plan Z (just between you and me). This is it; my last chance...I've run out of alphabet. No more spinning the wheel(s), no more vowels to buy, it is time to solve the puzzle. The pressure is on and emotional bankruptcy does not compliment my skin tone...AT ALL! I want the trip to Normal, that's all, just Normal. Keep the car, the wide screen television and the lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni, I just want to go to Normal. I'll even leave my extra baggage behind. (You know, everyone is so surprised that the airlines are charging for extra baggage and yet therapists have been doing it for years.)

I have had the extreme displeasure of running into many skeptics in my lifetime that say Normal doesn't exist. I just roll my eyes and laugh.(you know, with that evil, "I'll show you!" laugh) I know it exists! I've read about it in books, I've seen it in the movies, and I actually know a family that is from there and YES, they are on my Christmas card list!

I suppose with anything in life, there is always the chance I might get to Normal and not even like it. What if it is too boring? What if the Mayor gives me the key to the City and then I am forced to act like a Normal citizen for the rest of my life? Eeeeegads! I am not quite sure I am ready for that! I need to test the waters first. I need to find out if Normal is even for me. What if I made the move to Normal and no one liked me anymore? I would miss everyone in Bedlam terribly. We might be a community that is unstable, overcrowded and chaotic, but at least you can take us seriously.

See ya back in Bedlam,
The Paper Whisperer